Gary James' Interview With Jim Morrison's Girlfriend
Judy Huddleston



Judy Huddleston was only 17 when she met Jim Morrison. She was a model in Los Angeles. The year was 1967. What happened after their initial meeting is chronicled in Judy's book This Is The End My Only Friend, Living and Dying With Jim Morrison (Shapolsky Books). I spoke with Judy Huddleston about her life and times with Jim Morrison.

Q - Judy, you say in your book, "I have operated under some strange premise that I am unique, destined to do something of significance. I have never exactly known what this contribution is to be, only that it is fated to happen." Well, you've known one of the greatest Rock stars of all time, you've written a book, and you've served as a consultant to a movie (Oliver Stone's The Doors). Have you fulfilled your own prophecy or is there something else?

A - Well, I'm writing another book right now. That was back in the really idealistic days. But, I think it had something to do with wanting to be some kind of visionary artist, if you'll excuse the kind of poetic excess of it. It's just wanting to provide some kind of vision of everything, not just with that book, but with all my work. I'm also an artist, I think that was the main thrust of it. It's almost embarrassing to hear it, but I really did feel that way. And a part of me still does. It's like I really want to contribute something while I'm here.

Q - And the art is the best way of doing that?

A - The combination of the art and the writing. Then, you know, I'm a teacher too and I can do a certain amount with that.

Q - And, who do you teach art to?

A - High school kids. They're great. I like high school kids.

Q - When Oliver Stone's movie opened and kids were talking about it and you'd say you were Morrison's girlfriend, you must've gotten some strange looks.

A - (Laughs). Yeah, sure, well what else is new. I had to go to my Principal, and I was actually willing to have the book out under another name because you know, I need to live. I wasn't getting any money really from this book. So, you know I had to make sure I could keep supporting myself. And he (the Principal) said, "I don't think anybody's ever heard of Jim Morrison." He thought for the students, it was too big of a gap, and that they wouldn't care. So I thought well, maybe not, who knows? But then, I hadn't been teaching long. But, God, especially with the girls, they idolize him still. Not a lot of 'em, but much more than I would have every suspected. I was amazed by that.

Q - You served as a consultant to Oliver Stone for his movie on The Doors. What did you do in that capacity?

A - All I really did was I met with Val Kilmer (the actor who portrayed Morrison) and with Meg (Ryan, the actress who portrayed Morrison's steady girlfriend) a few times. Talked with 'em. Ate with 'em. Answered questions. I worked a couple more times with Val than Meg. It was in pre-production. That was mainly it. It was just talking to 'em, and for Meg it was giving her a feel of what Pam had been going through. And for Val, it was a feeling for what was motivating Jim. Also, they read my book.

Q - Did you like the movie?

A - I didn't like it that much. I didn't hate it like I've heard some people say. I was really disappointed. It kind of showed the hippie thing. Jim was so one-sided in that movie. He was a good guy and a bad guy, and in that movie, all he was, was a bad guy. You know, it's like why bother with this person? He was really an asshole in the movie. Just relentless. Never ending. Anybody can be a jerk, but not non-stop. He could be a bigger jerk than average. But he could also be very sweet, sensitive, and caring. You just couldn't see that at all. You also couldn't see how he came out with those songs, and the poetry he wrote. He was a total jerk, and then every once in a while they'd have him spew poetry. That to me was so melodramatic. I kind of wanted to giggle. I really doubt if he ever tried to burn Pam up, or whatever that scene was. Some of that stuff just seemed very far-fetched.

Q - Jim says to you, "I guess most people really are mediocre." Did Jim Morrison have trouble finding people he could converse with?

A - Yeah, I got that feeling. I remember getting the feeling that he felt really kind of sad about that. By that stage he was starting to get famous. I do think that maybe one of Jim's problems was that he really projected such a strong image that people just kind of hallucinated on him. I don't know if they really ever knew him. It wasn't completely his fault and I think it was probably alienating for him.

Q - You write, "In many ways, life just happens and we're powerless over the outcome. The rest is history." You don't really believe that do you?

A - Yeah, I believe it. I'm in AA 'cause I was an addict. The first step in that is admitting you're powerless over certain things and I think you are. That doesn't mean you're tossed around like a leaf, but there are some things you simply can't control. If you try to, you beat your head against the wall. I think that was really the main thing. Some things are like inevitable and they're beyond your little human thing. Some things are too big for us, and with those things it's better to leave alone.

Q - Jim wonders what it's like to be "an aging homosexual." And you say, "Aging, I guess." You then add, "I thought you were bi or something anyway, Someone said so." Who was that someone, and why would you think Jim Morrison was bisexual?

A - I think I heard it from a couple of people. Both of 'em were people I went to art school with. Who knows if they knew him. I even remember reading something about some room mate of his at UCLA. Jim was a bisexual type. I definitely wouldn't put it past him.

Q - But, no one has any proof of that do they?

A - No. Not that I know of. No real proof.

Q - Bill Siddons (Doors mgr.) told you that Pam helped Jim out a lot in the old days. What exactly did she do?

A - There's another part in my book where Jim starts saying she was my mother, my sister, my lover, and God knows what else. She was like a muse to him and she also was like a nurse. She really took care of him in a way that someone like me couldn't. I think she was like made for that.

Q - Jim's friend Frank Lisciandro said that Jim never talked about the women in his life. Is that why we've never seen your name mentioned in any book about Morrison?

A - Yeah. Well, actually Danny Sugarman had gotten my book years ago when he and Jerry Hopkins were writing No One Here Gets Out Alive. Somehow Jerry Hopkins had found out about me and he interviewed me for quite a while for that book. Somehow it changed hands, over to Danny Sugarman. Danny took my manuscript and changed it. It made me mad. I was gonna sue him and I just sort of let it go. Maybe the second or third time I was with Jim, he flipped that ring off my finger, that gold, kind of circular ring and put it on his finger. I kind of made a big thing of it. It was like, I don't know, real romantic to me. So Danny like lifted this whole scene and somehow put it in the scene where he more or less rapes me. It said that he tore the ring off my finger. It was just brutal. He had it in the book, but he didn't put my name. He actually lifted dialogue too. I've never met Danny Sugarman, but that's always irritated the hell out of me.

Q - Somewhere in your book you write, "1 don't see how he can love me as a human being, since he doesn't even know me." Couldn't the same have been said about you loving Jim? How much did you really know about him?

A - Yeah, that's true. I actually think that I knew Jim better than he knew me. Today I happened to hear a song of Jim's. He really exposed himself in his songs. He honestly did. His whole soul was out there. So in a sense, he was easier to know. I probably knew him a little more than he knew me.

Q - You continue with, "He doesn't love anyone, just like he believes no one can love him. He can only hurt, the way he thinks others hurt him. He can only mock and hate the way he mocks and hates himself." How did you arrive at those conclusions?

A - That's after Miami. That was when he was going into his whole end of his life funk. By then he was fat, and just into a total black mood. I didn't mean that was his essence, but that's what he was when I was writing it or that's what was happening right then. I didn't mean that as a thing of his whole personality. He could be just really black and really negative and really hateful. That's where he was an SOB. That part of him was his bad side. .

Q - If Jim Morrison hadn't been a Rock star, would you have put up with the kind of terrible treatment he dished out to you?

A - Probably, if he had been an artist or a writer, I would have. He wouldn't have had to have been a Rock star. If he would have been some sort of artist or writer whose work I loved, yeah. I wasn't even interested in people who weren't.

Q - When did you last see him before he died?

A - I think it was about six months.

Q - January, 1971 then.

A - No. We're talking more about November of '70 then.

Q - Jim says to you, "I wonder where we'll be 10 years from now." Did he have an idea he wouldn't live long, or do you believe at that point he was counting on a long life?

A - I don't think he thought he was gonna be around. A lot of his songs, there's just a feeling that he's not gonna be around too long.

Q - He goes on to say that he will give you a copy of his book and sign it for you because someday when he's dead it will be a collector's item.

A - (Laughs). Yeah, that's more of the same, isn't it?

Q - How did he know the interest would be there?

A - Well, he kind of knew. It was like half tongue-in-cheek. But then the other half was dead serious.

Q - In a conversation with your friend Cathy, she remarks, "Jim doesn't think anyone loves him for his true self. Everyone just uses him. He can't trust anyone anymore. He doesn't even think he has any friends." If there was ever a motive for Morrison pulling off a disappearing act, there it is, right?

A - Well, but that was a couple of years before he would have gone. I suppose that's a way of looking at it. So, then what? So then he can be alone? What's that gonna prove? What's that gonna help? So you go sit in a cave or something? I don't think Jim was that together at that time to pull something like that off. It would've been great, but I just don't think he was together enough. He was a wreck. He'd have to be very together to do that. He really would.

Q - How did you hear about Jim's death?

A - A friend called me. Then I called a radio station to make sure that he (the friend) wasn't crazy.

Q - Judy, how do we know that Jim Morrison really did die on July 3rd, 1971?

A - Ultimately, we don't.

Q - You write "God Bless you, if you're dead." Do you entertain the possibility at all that he faked his death?

A - Five percent he faked his death. That's just 'cause Jim had that wild card in him. I don't really think that. He was a wreck. He could hardly walk across the street

Q - What was wrong with him?

A - He was an alcoholic. He was really at the bottom. It's like a disease. I don't want to get too into it. I just think he'd taken it to the limit. I think he would've had to have gotten clean and sober. That just wasn't the time, 1971. Think of all the people that were around him. They couldn't help him.

Q - So he went to Paris to get away from it all.

A - It doesn't sound like he did a very good job of it. (Laughs).

Q - You would like to see Jim's body exhumed. Is that correct?

A - I got so sick of everybody going on. I got so sick of the uncertainty, that on a callous sort of level, just dig him up. What can they do? See if it's his bones? I don't know.

Q - When most people walk into a mall and see a picture of Jim Morrison on a poster or a record album, it will trigger a certain memory. When you see Jim Morrison's picture, what goes through your mind?

A - Hmmm…It seems to go through my stomach, rather than my mind. I just get that upside down feeling. Sometimes, it's like it's not even Jim, or he's like a different Jim. There's the public Jim that was The Doors and sometimes it just seems like they were a Rock group. Sometimes, if it's a certain type of picture, it will seem like him. It goes through cycles. It definitely doesn't affect me like it did ten years ago. You get more and more removed. Not in a bad way. It seems like another life. Ten years ago it was starting to wear off, but it was really with me.

Q - People get very sad when they think about Jim's untimely passing. There's always the "What if?"

A - I think he could've gone on. He would've had to have cleaned himself up or at least for a while. I do think he would have gone on with writing and probably with movies.

Q - On the surface anyway, it would appear that Jim Morrison had everything. Why did he need alcohol and drugs?

A - They say that you're really born with the pre-disposition. Some people are just genetically flawed that way and the need substances or chemicals just to be normal. They just can't handle reality, they way normal people can. Usually they aren't very developed emotionally. I really do think Jim was emotionally retarded, but he was also like a genius. It's like a combination and it makes it really hard to function. Unfortunately, I think a lot of times he especially needed alcohol just to not die of pain or something.

Q - Are you glad you met Jim Morrison?

A - Yeah. Sometimes it seems strange, but I don't know, it seems kind of normal in a way. It's hard to imagine if your life had gone in another way. I don't really have any regrets.

© Gary James. All rights reserved.

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